Zippety
by jago-ji
Summary: A short story to brighten your day. It revolves around a song, but isn't really a song fic, rather a silly one-shot woven around an oldie but a goodie, and all based on my dislike for a certain JE euphemism and a single corny remark Ranger shared with me about himself.


**Zippety**

_AN: A short song fic to brighten your day. Well, not exactly a song fic, but rather a silly one-shot woven around an oldie but a goodie song video, and all based on a single very corny remark Ranger shared with me about himself and my dislike for a certain JE euphemism._

Stephanie's POV

Today had been the strangest day. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it seemed a little surreal at times. I woke up feeling great…really great…and I had this silly little song bouncing around in my head. I kept humming it as I got ready for work.

While pouring my morning coffee, I started singing the words and startled Rex right off his wheel. Tell me what you think; some of the words are a little strange and my voice is probably a little squeaky, but here goes. Sing along if you feel like it.

"_Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay_

_My, oh my, what a wonderful day!"_

_Plenty of sunshine headin' my way _

_Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay _

Rex stared at me the whole time and when I stopped singing, he scratched his little feet furiously against the glass and didn't quit until I started singing again. _Weird!_

My good mood might have something to do with what happened last night. Last night was the best night of my life. It had been…how should I say it…_extremely satisfying_. It had been over six months since I'd been even _mildly_ _satisfied_. Come to think of it, I only remember one other time I'd been _as satisfied_ as last night.

You see what I did there? I used the word 'satisfied' as a euphemism for sex. Yeah…you guessed it. I had sex last night. Guess who I did it with? Come on, guess. I'll give you a hint…it _wasn't_ Morelli.

Good for you, you guessed right. Batman and I did it last night…for the second time. If you remember, after the first time Ranger sent me back to Joe and I _stupidly_ went. That would definitely _not_ be happening this time.

Joe and I broke up six months ago to the day. Ranger was always around, but to my utter disappointment had kept his distance from me…until last night. I guess six months was Ranger's time frame to make sure Joe and I weren't going to get back together again. It was well worth the wait. _Oh boy, was it ever!_

I'd gone to bed like any other night after a full day chasing skips, wiping garbage off me, having lunch with Lula and Connie at the bonds office and then eating dinner at my parents' house. I went home, showered and watched a couple of TV shows while downing a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey. After a short recital of my day to Rex, I tumbled into bed, exhausted.

A few hours later, something woke me up. By the tingling in my neck I knew it was Ranger. Of course the neck tingle was soon followed by a doodah tingle. _How does he do that without even touching me?_ He was standing perfectly still at the foot of my bed. I felt him rather than saw him in the darkness of the room. I was immediately awake and my heart started racing in hopeful anticipation.

Too many times in the past, Ranger and I had come so close, but something or someone had always stopped us. Usually it was me, but sometimes it was Morelli or Grandma or even my dad once. Not anymore. I wasn't going to let phone calls, knocks on the door or even a fire breaking out stop me from finally having my way with Ranger. _No sir-ee Bob!_

Launching myself up from the bed, I threw myself at the dark form standing across from me. He caught me and pulled my body against his, wrapping his arms around me as I wrapped my legs around his waist. I could feel the hard muscles in his biceps flex as I twisted in his arms so we could kiss. It wasn't the only hard thing about him.

The kiss was incredible and he was so warm and smelled so good. The kiss wasn't like the poached kisses in the alley. This was sweet and serious and went on forever. With each second that passed, I felt all my pent up worries drain out of me while the sexual tension was skyrocketing. Our kiss deepened and I moved my hands from his neck to his hair, pulling the tie from his ponytail and running my fingers through his silky smooth tresses. His hands were busy grabbing my ass and rubbing up and down my back.

I didn't want to come across as desperate, but the passion rising within me took my control away. I pulled Ranger down on top of me as we fell back on the bed and continued to kiss. He didn't hesitate to respond (let me tell you, Responsive Ranger takes your breath away). His sensitive hands explored my scantily clad body while he marked my neck with several mind-blowing love bites that nearly had me coming just from the exquisite sensations coursing through my body.

Unable to stand _his overly clad body_, I pulled his shirt over his head exposing his perfectly chiseled chest. Running my hands over his bare pecs and sculpted abs drew a low growl from him, which sent added heat straight to my doodah. _We were really going to do this and I knew it was going to be good._

Ranger started to speak and I placed my finger over his lips. There were better things I wanted him to do with his mouth and I didn't want him to say anything that would make either of us change our minds. Before I knew it his pants magically disappeared and he got right to work on my clothing. With a flick of his wrist, Ranger ripped my baby doll pajamas off and using his full luscious lips proceeded to kiss every inch of exposed skin on my quivering body. That man loved to kiss…and lick…and nibble, lightly biting and scraping his teeth across my hot quivering body. There were places on me I had no idea could inflame my passion with just a simple kiss, but Ranger found them and teased me with his lips, tongue and teeth until I thought I would explode.

We continued to caress, fondle and stroke each other, our bodies always in motion, always touching. Neither of us spoke except for the words shouted in ecstasy and the inarticulate growls, moans and groans we had no control over. Even after each shattering orgasm, and there were lots of those, we continued to slowly touch and stroke each other as we cuddled.

Like I said, it was the best night of my life. We only had six hours before he was called away on a RangeMan emergency, but it was an amazing six hours. He promised to return just as soon as he could.

I was hoping he'd be back in my bed before my day started, but he called and let me know he had to make a quick turn around flight to Atlanta to bring back a fugitive for the feds. Ranger assured me he'd be back tonight for round two. Just hearing his voice over the phone had me dripping with anticipation.

Despite last night being a personal world-shattering event for me, I knew life went on. So this morning I dressed in my usual bounty hunter uniform of a t-shirt, jeans, converses and my Rangers' red, white and blue hat. When I left my apartment I was still humming that little ditty and there was a cool crispness in the air. To top it off there were birds singing in my parking lot. All this in the middle of polluted Trenton on a summer day. _Weird!_

The skip I had on my list to bring in today was James Baskett. According to the file Connie had given me yesterday, Baskett was a small-time con man arrested for bilking several people out of their social security checks. He was a seventy-two year old African American male, slightly balding with a short white beard. His picture looked oddly familiar. Based on my research, on Tuesday and Thursday mornings he volunteered at the W. E. Yensid Senior Center. Today was Wednesday.

Baskett lived in one of the older apartment buildings on South Song Avenue. It was mid-morning before I got going so I drove straight to his apartment complex. He lived in a second floor walkup. No one answered the door, but two of his neighbors poked their heads into the hallway on my third knock.

One of the men looked to be at least a hundred years old, but he still had that 'dirty old man' twinkle in his eye. "Hey, pretty lady, if you're looking for old Jiminy, he's at the park on Wednesdays, but what do you want with that old fart when you could have the likes of me…"

Rolling my eyes, I interrupted the old man, "Which park?"

He shuffled out into the hallway and introduced himself, "I'm Ray Gilbert." I smiled at him, hoping to get the information I needed and get out of there fast.

"Your smile is like sunshine to this old man. What's your name, pretty lady?" He took my hand and pressed his paper-thin lips to my fingers.

I extricated my hand before he went any further and said in my most pleasant voice. "I'm Stephanie Plum. I need to talk to Mr. Baskett. Which park did you say he went to?"

The second neighbor stumbled over to us. He looked a few years older than the first centenarian, but no less the dirty old man as he ogled me. "_My oh my!_ You are a pretty little thing, aren't you. Beautiful blue eyes, the very color of a bluebird. Allie Wrubel, at your service."

The old man did one of those courtly bows with one arm across his midsection and the other folded behind his back. "Would you like to step into my humble abode for a nightcap?"

I gave the old man a puzzled look and said, "But it's still morning." He sounded like a horny old man. Maybe I should introduce him to Grandma Mazur.

The second man continued in a wheezy voice, "Well, it takes me a while to get it up so I thought we should get a head start on things. However, looking at your tight young body and pert firm breasts, I might be able to perform just like I did when I was seventy. Want to give it a whirl, sweet cheeks?" He placed a withered arm around my waist and tried to lead me into his apartment. Definitely NOT introducing this lewd rude geezer to Grandma.

I shimmied away from his grasp, trying to keep the horrified look from showing on my face. Now I knew how the Merry Men felt when Grandma tried to grope them. "No, I would not, Mr. Wrubel. I have business with Mr. Baskett. Now _please_ tell me which park he goes to," my tone no longer pleasant.

The other neighbor finally responded, "Remus Park. Jiminy plays cricket at Remus Park every Wednesday with a bunch of old codgers who refuse to admit they're old." Mr. Gilbert droned on, "He's always saying it's a wonderful day. Every day it's the same thing. 'Wonderful day' he says, even if it's snowing or a hundred degrees out. What do you want that old nutcase for?"

I turned to go eager to get away from their leering looks. "Thank you and have a _wonderful_ day!" I said as I skipped my way down the hall, not able to stop myself from singing '_Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay_.' As I said earlier, it was a strange day.

I drove to Remus Park and sure enough, there were a bunch of old men milling around in the middle of a grassy field. All of the men were African American and all wore the same black jerseys.

I got out of my car and made my way down a shrub-lined path to a park bench. There were butterflies everywhere. Something must have been in bloom attracting them. They fluttered around me so thickly I could almost feel a breeze from their wing beats. I'd never seen so many butterflies in one place before. Trying not to bat them away or injure them, I ran down the path into the open grassy area.

Sitting on the park bench, I watched the men run around the field. I'd never watched a cricket game before and after observing them play for fifteen minutes, I was none the wiser. There was a ball and a long flat paddle, but other than that, I couldn't figure out the objective. It sort of looked like baseball, but different, really different.

As I was sitting quietly underneath an old oak tree, to my surprise a bird flew down and perched on my shoulder. I was startled, but tried not to move. Looking at it in my peripheral vision, I saw it was a bluebird. It was very pretty and dainty looking. It chirped at me and after a few seconds it flew away. First time that had ever happened. Again, _weird!_

_Mister Bluebird's on my shoulder _

Just as I got up the cricket game ended and the men started filtering to the picnic table off to my left. All the men had to be at least sixty years old and many were considerably older, but they all seemed agile and in good shape. I hated busting elderly men. If they ran or tried to fight, I was afraid they'd break something if I had to tackle them. The men were all smiling and laughing as they dug into a cooler bringing out cans of beer. Men, sports and beer…some things are ageless.

As I walked over to the men, I was studying them trying to pick out my skip. Unfortunately, I wasn't looking where I put my feet and tripped over a gopher hole. To my surprise, a gopher popped out of an adjacent hole and chattered loudly at me. I apologized to the angry rodent and then promptly felt silly talking to it. _Mental head slap_. Was it really any different than me talking to Rex? For just a second, my thoughts flew to Diesel what with the friendly animals popping up out of the ground and landing on my shoulder. It seemed like something that would happen if Diesel was around.

Dusting myself off, I continued on my way over to the old timers gathered around the picnic table. One of the men broke away and walked toward the restroom. Several of the men noticed me coming toward them and slapped the others in the stomach until all of them were staring at me. I hoped I wasn't going to get any more offers of geriatric sex.

"Good morning, gentlemen. My name is Stephanie Plum. I'm looking for James Baskett." I hoped my skip would identify himself and let me walk him to my car as we made small talk. I planned to cuff him when we reached the parking lot.

A man with bushy eyebrows, a pointy nose and beady black eyes stepped forward. He looked to be in his late sixties, medium height and weight. "James is seeing a man about a horse right now. Maybe I can take his place?" The gray-haired man smiled at me and stuck out his hand.

"I'm Br'er Fox," he said as he gestured to the embroidered name on his left shoulder. In response to my confused look, he said, "Our cricket team is called the Briar Patch and Remus Park is our Pitch." I was still confused so he explained, "A pitch is the name for the cricket playing field, like a baseball field is called a diamond."

Br'er Fox continued, "James started this cricket team decades ago. He named the team the Briar Patch and gave himself the nickname Br'er Rabbit, so we all took names from the old Uncle Remus stories." He pointed to a short fat black man sitting at the table, "That's Tar-Baby. And over there, the bald guy is Br'er Bear. We all owe James a lot. He worked tirelessly to get this public park built and dedicated so we'd have a place to play cricket."

"Fascinating," I lied. "Where's 'Br'er Rabbit'?" I asked looking toward the restroom building to see if I could spot Baskett.

Br'er Fox yelled over to the group. "Would one of you duffers see if Br'er Rabbit is finished with his business? This pretty little lady would like to have a word with our brother." Tar-Baby jogged over to the park's restroom facilities and disappeared around the corner. A minute later, he reappeared and held out his arms palms upward in the classic shrug.

_Damn!_

I wouldn't be surprised if one of the old geezers from his apartment building had called and warned him someone was looking for him. I figured I should check out the building myself so I walked across the field. I kept hearing a whirring noise and out of the corner of my eye I saw a hummingbird attacking my Rangers' cap. The tiny bird would fly in and touch the red brim of the hat and then back off, trying again a few seconds later. If it was looking for nectar, it was sorely out of luck.

As I neared the restroom, I noticed a few bees buzzing around. The closer I got the more bees I saw. Hearing a loud humming noise, I glanced up under the eaves and saw a huge dark rippling mass. In shock, I realized it was an enormous swarm of honeybees. I didn't know if James Baskett was in the restroom or not, but he was getting a free pass today because I wasn't going any closer. I also no longer felt like singing _zip-a-dee-doo-dah_ anymore.

When I reached the parking lot, an old rickety Ford truck sped by me. A man fitting the description of Baskett stuck his head out the passenger window and yelled at me, "_Can't put one over on the boys in the Briar Patch_. _I was born and bred in the briar patch!" _I heard him cackle as the truck roared out of the parking lot.

I was beginning to think the whole lot of them were crazy. I gave it up for the day. Baskett would undoubtedly hang low for awhile. I'd try again tomorrow at the Senior Center.

Ranger was waiting in my apartment when I got home. It took us all of thirty seconds to make it to the bedroom naked and ready for love.

After we had sated ourselves sexually, I needed the proverbial cigarette. Reaching into my nightstand, I pulled out one my favorite Zip's Candies, a Tigermelt, and started to tell Ranger about my strange day. He listened patiently as I told him about my skip, James Baskett, and how he'd been able to dodge me. I mentioned the bluebird sitting on my shoulder and the flock of butterflies and bees I had to dodge. I even told him about the little gopher and talking to him like I did Rex.

"Sounds like you had a wonderful day in Disneyland, Babe," he replied.

"It _was_ a wonderful day." I decided to ignore the Disneyland remark; it was too close to my earlier thoughts of Diesel. "And it's been an even _wonderfuller_ evening," I replied with a sexy wink.

I bit into the rich nougat and peanutty goodness of the Tigermelt and couldn't help but moan in ecstasy.

"Babe. You're killing me. We just had the marathon of all sex races and to hear you make those sensual throaty noises has got me hard again. After the day I've had, I don't think I have the strength for another fuck in me right now, but my cock has a mind of its own."

Ranger started nuzzling my neck while his hand strayed from my breasts to points south, sending warmth from my neck down through my nether regions. Every flick of his fingers felt like electrical sparks zipping through my body straight to my doodah.

Swallowing the last of my candy bar, I murmured into his neck, "I'm utterly content, Ranger. My doodah is still vibrating. It was never like this with Joe."

Ranger grinned at me, "Joe's a good man, but he obviously doesn't know zip about making love. I'm much better. _I'm the zippety doodah man_."

**Author's Note: Yeah, I know, go ahead and groan. It's a heck of a lot of words just to deliver one corny line, but Ranger made me do it (**_**I wish Ranger would make me do it with him…sigh**_**). Hope it brings you a chuckle or at least puts a grin on your face. For me, it added a new zest to an old song. If you watch the song video on YouTube you'll see why there are all the references to the critters.**

_**Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah**_

_**Song of the South**_

_Sung by James Baskett, music by Allie Wrubel, lyrics by Ray Gilbert_

_© 1945 Walt Disney Music Company  
_

_Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay _

_My, oh my, what a wonderful day _

_Plenty of sunshine headin' my way _

_Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay  
_

_Mister Bluebird's on my shoulder_

_It's the truth, it's actual_

_It's the truth, it's actual _

_Ev'rything is satisfactual _

_Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay _

_Wonderful feeling, wonderful day, yes sir!_

_Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay _

_My, oh my, what a wonderful day _

_Plenty of sunshine headin' my way _

_Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay _

_Mister Bluebird's on my shoulder _

_It's the truth, it's actual _

_Ev'rything is satisfactual _

_Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay _

_Wonderful feeling, feeling this way  
_

_Mister Bluebird's on my shoulder _

_It is the truth, it's actual... huh? _

_Where is that bluebird? Mm-hm! _

_Ev'rything is satisfactual _

_Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay _

_Wonderful feeling, wonderful day!_


End file.
